1st: This is angsty....dont like dont read

 2nd: This is my opinion [once again...don't like don't read] 

Anyways :]

 I need to find myself. Not like Jack Kerouac or Peter Jenkins...  But like find out who I am inside... Because everyday is like Halloween for me. I keep changing who I am and dressing differently everyday. One day I'm a brightly coloured creature of the night the next im an angsty brooding teen and I'm tired of it. I brought this point up to my mom and she said "i think you like to write and I think you should. You know you have that blog and people are constantly looking for Blogs and stuff to discover authors..." Then she proceded to remind me that Schools can google you and find out all the stuff you do on the internet and blah blah blah...[sorry mom] But I've never been myself, I've always been other people. My sisters, Celebrities and anybody else I liked at the time, and now i just don't know. And I think  that people think I’m over the top; too loud, too bright, too bold. But I’m scared. I’m scared that if I stop putting on that show, if I stop playing that person, there won’t be anything underneath anymore. There won’t be anything left of me, and... I’ll just… fade away.  If I stop being that brightly colored creature of the night than I'll lose my friends and No one will like me anymore. And I wear make up and straighten my hair wear what i wear watch what i watch and listen to what I listen to because I'm trying to please everyone and I'm trying to fit in by standing out.[A friend of mine said that to me once during a fight and they know who they are  but it rings true in my mind]

And yeah I know I sound Emo and like I'm fixing to kill myself but I'm not so don't worry. 

I'm just having a personality complex... and thats not half as fun as an age complex where I sing a song, find a map and an amulet, become the chosen one, get buried in the sand, crimp about soup, defeat the Hitcher with the help of a monster made of sandpaper a gorilla and a shamen, then become a newborn by drinking youth juice instead of showering in it... None of that will happen. Ever. 

And I've come to terms with this fact: I will never be anyone. If I'm lucky I'll be a doctor of sorts but I'll probly just have an office job...the usual 9-5 and I won't marry somebody rich or famous or anything like that.. I'll probly meet him on the internet through like eHarmony or Match.com or something because I'll be too scared to try and meet someone  because I've always been frightened of rejection...always... And even then we'll probly have a loveless marriage like my Mom and dad and we'll hate it but we'll stay together for the kids sake and  be miserable. 

But whatever....I'm just being dumb and whiny and I need to get over myself but I need to figure it out soon because high school and college are right around the corner and I need to find out what the flip I need to do with my life because its slipping through my fingers faster than water through a collender and I'm terrified of becoming older and not being able to goof off and have fun and act like a kid anymore. And I'm terrified of getting a job and going to college and moving out and I'm just scared... I don't know what to do or how to do it...

  I really need something to take my mind off it, I'm trying to hang out with friends and so far i have plans for next Saturday but other than that I'm free so give me a call and trust me I'll answer.

So whatever....

1^st. This still isn't about Korea

2^nd. This is still my opinion.

3^rd. If you don't like the Beatles this rant probley won't mean anything to you...

Ok. So I was reading the latest Rolling Stone and I was looking at the "Correspondence" bit and I came across this :

"Sure they're Disney stars, but what's wrong with trying to gain legitamate rock cred? Remember The Beatles were a sellout boy band before they honed their chops."

First Off: This is from a Mr. Logan McMillen from Minneapolis. "They" are the Jonas Brothers.

Second Off:Sellouts!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??! The Beatles never sold out. ever.

Third Off: BOY BAND?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?! You know what boy band means?!?! It means a band of boys who don't. play. instruments.  The first boy band was the Bee Gees. Why? Because they didnt. play. instruments. I'm able to say that the Jonas Brothers are not a boy band. Because I'm pretty sure at least one of them plays a guitar... I'm not sure though...

 And they always were playing instruments. All four could sing, play guitar and play drums.  At least 2 of the 4 could play Piano/organ. George could play Sitar and John could play harmonica.  Just because its a band of boys DOESNT MAKE THEM A BOY BAND!!!

Forth: The Jonas Brothers will never ever  have legitamate "rock cred". Why? Because they aren't a legitamate rock band. They never will be.

So to Logan McMillen from Minneapolis I say: Make sure you know what youre talking about Before you write into a national magazine you idiot.

Also: Who the frick says "Cred"?!?!?! 

_Lacie

1^st.  This Isnt about Korea.

2^nd. Don't read this if you support American soldiers/the war.

3^rd. This is my opinion If you have a problem with it,thats too bad.

Ok, Since I appearently haven't scared you off,

  I'm Tired of everyone freaking out about those three soldiers who died and didnt get their names put in the paper "because" of Michael Jackson.

Besides, Michael Jackson isn't the only person who died and was in the papers at that time. You might as well blame Ferrah Fawcet as well. But no one ever will because Farrah never did anything wrong and because she died of cancer. Billy Mays died right around that time as well and you know what, They found cocain in his body.  Michael might have been full of Prozac and stuff like that but at least that was legal. They could of put it later but Ed McMahon died! 

 Michael Jackson means something to everybody.Even if he means something bad, he means something.  When he died loads of people suffered. "But oh those soldiers families are suffering"  Great! Michael Jackson's family  is suffereing. Alot of people are/were suffering.

 His kids are being bounced around from house to house. Can you Imagine how horrible that would be? I mean it must be terrible to be raised by such a huge celebrity. Especially someone whos under so much public scrutiny alll the time.

I feel sympathy for the soldiers and there families, I do. But the more they whine about it, the less I'm gonna care. Just like if someone was to win an award, the more they bragged the less youre gonna care.  

Just get over it. Michael Didn't puposely dominate the papers. He didnt kill those soldiers. Its not his fault.Its the reporters who decided to fill the papers.  Hes not the only one who died. You cant blame him for that. Just get. over. it.

_Lacie